Like most people in this world, I often wonder if I’m the only one who thinks a certain way or feels a certain way about, well, anything. Sometimes I do weird shit, sometimes I think weird shit, and sometimes weird shit just happens to me. But I know I’m not alone. So I’ve compiled this extremely random list for you today.
I wonder if I am the only one who…:
- has absolutely no clue how to defog the car windows when it rains. Should it be all the way hot? All the way cold? Is there some kind of a shortcut? Why is this so difficult??
- has no idea how to use a barbecue, with no intention of learning how to do so. My klutziness doesn’t go well with open flames and it’s terrifying.
- drives like a total idiot when I’m following another car. What if I lose them? What if they lose me?? Why can’t we all just use our GPS like normal people and meet there???
- doesn’t understand when people say they “forgot to eat” or “haven’t eaten all day”. How is that even possible? What and when I plan to eat next is like the default setting in my brain.
- breaks at least one glass, plate, bowl, jar, or bottle per week. I once broke five dishes and seven bowls at one time. Read that ridiculous story here.
- secretly loves every single song on that damn Frozen soundtrack, and sometimes puts it on without my daughter even asking. It’s time I came out about this one. Dammit, it feels good to be free.
- still gets a big kick out of stepping on crunchy leaves in the fall. It’s freakishly satisfying.
- prefers to park my car further away and just walk more. I’m usually a lazy person, but who the hell has time to wait around for the perfect parking spot?
- can’t make coffee without spilling coffee grinds everywhere. Ditto for the milk if it’s from Costco (you Costco people get it).
- deletes my Facebook app once every few months, then re-downloads it less than 24 hours later. Who knew the most passionate love/hate relationship I’d ever have in my life would be with a stupid website?
- always has to think for a second when asked how old I am (but could never fail to quickly recite my children’s ages, birth weight, and the exact minute they were born, if asked).
- screams “you’re welcome” at strangers who fail to say “thank you” when necessary.
- occasionally talks out loud to no one in particular….in public.
- finds wearing socks under a blanket to be physically impossible.Okay…pants, too.
- feels a surge of pride every time I successfully retrieve an object using only my toes.
- wears my watch on the “wrong” hand. With a dead battery. If only righties could be lefties two times a day like broken clocks, then all would be right with the world.
- rarely used my double stroller after having my second child because I kept forgetting how to open it.
- gets extremely annoyed when I turn on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel for the kids and realize it’s either 20 or 50 minutes after the hour. Why can’t they just make 30 minute episodes??
- is grossed out by cold pizza. If it tasted better cold, they would serve it that way in the first place.
- kinda feels bad for telemarketers. They’re just trying to do their job.
- unfailingly ends up with the most spastic cart at the supermarket. And it gets more squeaky, more wobbly, and more spastic with every item placed inside.
- unfailingly ends up in the slowest checkout line at the supermarket. Often behind the type of person who pays for groceries with their checkbook.
- didn’t learn how to “close out” an app on my iPhone until about two years after purchasing it.
- quickly changes the channel the second I hear Sarah McLaughlin’s voice. (I’m definitely not alone there, right? Those commercials are the WORST).
- saves certain outfits or articles of clothing for “special occasions,” and then never ends up wearing them at all. Where the hell do I ever go??
- thinks window shopping should mean buying windows instead of buying nothing.
- occasionally talks on the phone in the bathroom. They can’t really SEE you, you know
I could probably go on all day, but that’s all the time I have for rambling right now. Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what’s on your list!