No More Mean Jeannine: How My Husband Convinced Me To Be Nicer (On the Internet)

My husband called me “mean” the other day.  I had been scrolling through Facebook and came upon one of those “hey look at me at the gym!” pictures, and I just couldn’t resist rolling my eyes and muttering “no one gives a crap how many squats you did today” to myself.

Normally when he calls me out on being a raging beotch,  which he tends to do often, I then remind him that a)I was this way when he met me (if not much, much worse, since having children can be pretty taming); and b)I’m often merely pointing out what the rest of the world is thinking.

I mean, come ON.  I’m sure your trainer over at Crossfit and the chick who sold you that skin-tight sleeveless tank top are TOTALLY interested in how much you can bench press.  But the rest of us?  Notsomuch.

But then Big M did something he normally is unsuccessful at doing: he made me feel bad.  He forced me to be empathetic for once.  He got me to agree that I WAS being kind of a bitch.  And moreover, that it was uncalled for.

Yuck.  Uncalled for.  I hate those words.  When you’re doing something uncalled for, then you’re being an asshole.  And everyone who knows me knows that I hate assholes.  I NEVER want to be one of them.

So how did he perform such a feat, you ask?  Let me explain. And who knows?  Maybe you will realize you’ve been a bit of an asshole too.

First, he reminded me that I post pictures of our kids ALL THE TIME on Instagram, and I talk about them nonstop on Facebook.  Hell, I even write a blog that’s mostly about the kids.

So I’m all like “yea, whatever.  Our kids are fucking adorable.  Who wouldn’t want to look at them?  But no one cares what that guy looks like doing pushups.  He really doesn’t need to post four videos PER DAY.”

And then he made the following eye-opening statement.  “That’s where you’re wrong.  There are plenty of people who don’t give a shit how cute our kids are, people who maybe work out often and find pushups more entertaining than our son’s lost tooth.  And that guy you’re rolling your eyes at probably has like fifty other workout fanatics on his Facebook page, people who cheer him on and keep him motivated.  Or maybe he’s just as proud of his squats as you are when the kids go five minutes without trying to kill each other. Either way, the dude has a right to post whatever he wants—whether you like it or not.”

Oh, Big M.  How on earth did we end up together?

But he really had a great point.  Social Media connects people, brings them together.  It’s a virtual space for people with common interests to join forces and share their experiences.  And I hadn’t really ever thought of it that way before.  I was too busy being annoyed by the constant stupidity I see in my Facebook news feed to ever put it that way.

The very reason I write this blog is to share my experiences with other people who are going through all of the very same shit as I am.  Who the hell am I to criticize someone else for sharing their own life experiences, whatever those might be?

So today, I’m turning over a new leaf.  I will no longer roll my eyes and shout “no one cares!” into my phone or laptop whenever I see ANY of the following obnoxious kinds of posts/pictures:

“I’m having the BEST NIGHT EVER!  45 pictures of my extremely drunk ass to follow!”

“Look at what I made on Pinterest!  I’m SUPER CRAFTY!” (I am 100% guilty of this one)

“Isn’t my dog/cat/bird/hamster/child SO adorbs? Look at how awesomely he scampers through the snow!”  (Guilty of this one too)

“This is what I ate for breakfast.  Stay tuned for my lunch, dinner, dessert, and all drinks in between.”

“Check out this kale/broccoli/spinach/carrot/ginger vomit juice I just made in my Vitamix while reading this list of 45,000 things you will definitely die sooner from eating.”

“HAHA! I’m on vacation somewhere TROPICAL and you’re stuck in a BLIZZARD!!  Now gaze upon my feet with the ocean in the background, you poor bastards!”

“I love guns! And ‘Murica! And Duck Dynasty! F U OBAMA!”

“I take 25 pictures of my children per day, and I want you to see at least 24 of them.”

“This is a meme with a blatant grammatical error.  I posted it anyway.  Wait, what error?”

“I hate Mondays.  How is it only Tuesday? Is it Friday yet? HUMP DAYYY!  It’s almost Friday.  WOOHOO it’s finally Friday!  Ugh, the weekend goes by so fast…. Annnd I hate Mondays.  And my job.  And my life. Please kill me.“

Okay.  So it’s in my nature to come off a little bitchy.  Baby steps.

But the point I’m trying to make is that I will no longer react negatively to anything I see on a social media site.  It’s officially ALL GOOD with me.  It’s your life, and your internet.  Who the hell am I to judge?  I mean I just posted a video of my daughter knocking down homemade bowling pins on Instagram AND Facebook (seriously though, that shit was cute). So….the hypocrisy ends today.  I am a changed woman.

However!  I want to mention a couple of exceptions:

People who post disturbing things.  If you are posting something kinda messed up and you know full well that it will cause someone to lose their lunch and/or have nightmares for three weeks, then just don’t do it.  It isn’t nice. People need sleep.  And lunch.

Selfies.  I will always loathe anyone who posts an overabundance of selfies.   Once in a while, it’s totally fine.  It’s even encouraged.  I’m honestly more curious to see what kind of a train wreck or supermodel you’re looking like these days than how your dog or child looks in a Santa suit.  But nobody, NOBODY, needs to see your bathroom mirror duckface six times a day.  Kindly get over yourself and maybe get a hobby or two.

For those of you not fitting in either of those deplorable categories, please go ahead and let us all know how many crunches you did today or what your dog is having for dinner.  I’m all ears.  Really, I am.

At least, I’m trying to be.

4 thoughts on “No More Mean Jeannine: How My Husband Convinced Me To Be Nicer (On the Internet)

  1. Love your blog! I’m always looking forward to what you’re going to post next 🙂 Oh and by the way I got sneezed on yesterday by a child. Not my own. It was a mucus filled sneeze that spread it’s love all over my arm face and the salsa we were making. And I thought of you ❤

  2. haha! Love this! Its so funny because I have gotten really annoyed by FB posts, ALL the ones you mention, and while I rarely post things, I realize that many other couldn’t care less when I do. But the one thing that still bugs me is when people post about being annoyed at other peoples’ posts. There is a high school “friend” who does this and it makes me crazy. But I think it has taught me more tolerance too because I always think when he posts these criticisms, “if you are more annoyed than interested in people’s posts, then get off FB!” but I think it just makes him feel superior to be critical.

  3. Pingback: An Ode to the Dishwasher…Sort Of | Highchairs & Headaches

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