Just going to dive right in with this, as I haven’t got much time today. There’s food to make, cookies to bake, and a couple of crazy kids giving me a headache 😉
The Six Worst Things About Thanksgiving:
The family divide and conquer trick – I’m no magician, so unfortunately I can’t slice myself in half and spend any single holiday with both my side of the family and my husband’s side. Even if I attempt to magically slice just the day in half, giving some time to each side, I usually spend much more time in traffic than anywhere else. And if you (like me in the picture above from 2008) were brave enough to say screw it and just invited everyone to your own house this year, well, good luck with that.
Christmas is coming– Um, people are Christmas shopping already? Unless I draw a little Christmas tree on the front of my rent check, it’s going to be a while before any of my purchases reflect the upcoming most wonderfully expensive time of the year.
The food is not that big of a deal to me– Seriously, don’t people know they sell turkey all year round? Stuffing too!
Being a mom – Moms don’t really get to enjoy holidays. We rarely do. We just get to hone our multi-tasking skills, while counting the minutes until the kids finally tire of chasing each other in circles all day and pass out in the car on the way home. Or on Grandma’s floor. Wherever.
Happy Thanks-for-overeating Day! – Call me a cynic, but in what way does “I plan to eat as much turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes as I can comfortably fit inside of my body without possibly exploding, then take a short break, and continue the fatass fest by shoveling even sweeter, more fattening food down my throat and into my ever-expanding gut” mean that we are thankful for what we have? Look, I’ll probably stuff my face all day just like the rest of this shamefully gluttonous country tomorrow, but let’s just tell it like it is. This holiday has very little to do with giving thanks for anything more than the right to ask for seconds, thirds, fourths, and fifths.
Black Friday – Everything about Black Friday gives me anxiety. Waking up at the crack of dawn (or earlier), fighting insane crowds, waiting on long lines, spending too much money, and possibly being trampled to death. Sound inviting to anyone?
The Six Best Things About Thanksgiving:
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – I don’t go, but I ALWAYS watch. It brings back childhood memories of a happier time when Thanksgiving didn’t conjure thoughts of overeating and fighting with relatives.
Cyber Monday – Why do people kill each other over half-price toasters or whatever, when half the time it’s almost as cheap online?
Stuffed mushrooms – ‘Nuff said.
Socially acceptable afternoon drinking – Sign me up!
Leftovers – Undeniably better than the original meal.
Christmas is coming – I may be the Grinch who stole Thanksgiving, but I’m no Ebenezer Scrooge. I actually really do love Christmas. Everything is silver and sparkly and magical and pretty, and if it didn’t cause me to further my credit card debt even more each year than the year before, then it really would be most the wonderful time of the year.