The Top Three Worst Social Media Offenses

I think we can all agree that social media is the worst. I seriously don’t know why I even bother anymore. Sure, there’s a lot of stuff worth rolling your eyes over: obnoxious political opinions, unwanted health and eating advice, painfully poor grammar, perpetual selfie-taking. It’s all pretty gagworthy. But some shit is just so bad that it practically has the ability to ruin your day. Like the type of shit that makes you toss your phone aside in exasperation and stalk off to go find something a lot more productive to do.

Thus I present you with my top three worst Facebook (and other social media) offenses.

1. Pictures of mangled children or animals. Yesterday someone posted a picture of a woman being hanged alongside her two small children, both of whom had been hanged as well, in some faraway country somewhere for some horribly inexcusable reason. I couldn’t tell you that reason because I was too busy splashing bleach in my eyes to un-see that hauntingly disturbing image. I’m pretty sure it was posted to further some sort of political agenda, something about the media distracting us with stories of transgender celebrities or something like that. I honestly don’t know and I never will, because this person has been blocked from my newsfeed for obvious reasons and I couldn’t care less what message they were attempting to convey. Thanks for the nightmares, asshole. I didn’t need sleep or anything.

2. Downright immaturity and/or personal attacks. I lost some friends recently. They aren’t like dead or anything, we just aren’t really friends anymore. I know, I thought I was too old for that shit too. Whatevs. I haven’t taken the time to delete them from my social media outlets yet, I guess because a part of me kind of hopes we can mend fences someday. But who has time for that, really? And if I do find myself with some precious extra time, I’ll probably spend it with my kids or maybe finding some friends who don’t suck. So anyway since undergoing this little friend reduction, I’ve come across a new phenomenon, something I suspect to be wildly popular amongst teenage girls. It’s the “hey look at us in this picture all hanging out and having fun without YOU, so eat it bitch!” thing. Obviously, their picture doesn’t actually say that, but with enough passive aggressive emojis I can easily read between the lines. Not cool, ladies. Not cool.

3. Ignorance. If you have a pulse and a pair of eyes and/or ears, then you probably knew which transgender celebrity I was referring to earlier. It’s sad that we live in a world where people will post pictures of mangled children just keep you from caring about serious issues like the vile mistreatment of LGBT individuals. What’s really sad is the amount of hatred and ignorance I’ve witnessed on social media since the world met Caitlyn Jenner. It’s nothing short of astounding, really. Hateful and mean posts with “likes” galore have surfaced all over the internet. It amazes me that we live in a world where that level of ignorance can even coexist with the level of technology required to easily share it with every person you know at the same time. Translation: it’s 20-freakin-15, people. Get over it. And what really gets me is not merely that so many people are such small-minded douchwads, but the fact that so many people are IDIOTIC enough to openly share their hateful thoughts and not expect repercussions. You can lose your job for posting the wrong thing on Facebook, people. It happens. And please, please, please, think before you post. Stop ruining my damn day.