The one comment I seem to get most from people since I’ve started this little writing adventure not too long ago is “your blogs make me feel like I’m not alone.”
So first, I want to say a gigantic THANK YOU to everyone for your awesome feedback and kindness. Words cannot express how much I appreciate you all taking a few minutes once or twice a week to actually read the insane crap I have to say. Imagine that! I can barely even get my own family to listen to me when I’m screaming at the top of my lungs for them to get their butts to the damn dinner table. And you wonderful people do it voluntarily! I love you guys. Seriously, I do. I hope that you’ll continue to support me and help my silly little blog keep growing and improving every day!
But, more importantly, what I really want you all to know is that no, you are not alone. Not at all. Not one bit.
If I’ve learned ANYTHING since becoming a mom, it’s that while motherhood requires you finally put on your big girl pants and grow the hell up, like immediately, it also unavoidably makes you a little bonkers. Actually, it makes you a lot bonkers. How can it not? Face it, you probably won’t even have a minute alone to pee for at least ten years. Who wouldn’t go nuts? So no, you are definitely not alone….
If you have, on more than one occasion, told your child that the car was “broken” so you couldn’t make it to the park that day, you should know you aren’t alone.
If you’ve also told him that the Play Doh had gone missing, or that you were all out of finger paint, or that the supermarket wasn’t selling his favorite flavor of ice cream that week, then you are not alone.
If you have ever purposely spent thirty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor, pretending you ate some questionable sushi, playing Candy Crush or reading It Sucked and Then I Cried; How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita on your Kindle, then you are not alone.
If it’s three a.m. and the baby is crying, and you know there’s either a Hershey surprise in her diaper or a bottle needs to made ASAP, but you kinda just roll over and pretend not to hear anything in a silent little battle of wills with your husband to see who will get up first, you are not alone.
If you always end up getting up first anyway, you are not alone.
If you are beginning to wonder if your husband isn’t just pretending to be asleep, you are not alone.
If you’ve ever seen a mom or dad on one of your kids’ shows reading a book to their child and thought “I really should be doing that right now, instead of just letting him watch this shit on TV” but then you just kept letting him watch that shit on TV, you are not alone.
If you ever worried that since you don’t buy every organic, pesticide free, gluten free, dairy free, vegan-friendly, nitrate free, ultra-expensive, cardboard-tasting food in the health-food supermarket or whatever, you are slowing killing and possibly causing brain/growth/social/developmental/behavioral damage to everyone, then you are most definitely not alone.
If you’ve ever been sad that you couldn’t afford to give your child the best birthday party ever, or the most Christmas presents, or the vacation of a lifetime, then you’re not alone.
If you’re not at all comforted by the people who tell you it’s better for them not to be spoiled by that kind of stuff, you are not alone.
If you’ve ever forgotten to finish up the last few doses of that annoying ten-day antibiotic your kid’s been taking for her third damn ear infection this year, you are not alone.
If you ever caught yourself watching SpongeBob after your child has gone to bed for the night because you haven’t changed the channel in four hours, you’re not alone.
If you find yourself wondering, at least ten times a day, what the hell it is that you are doing wrong, because you KNOW you are doing something (maybe everything) wrong, then you are not alone.
If you thought it would get easier as they got older, but it hasn’t and now you’re sure that it’s only getting harder by the minute, you are not alone.
If you’ve ever screamed at your kid in public, then received death stares from everyone within earshot and went home feeling like the biggest piece of shit on two feet, then you are not alone.
If you ever actually felt bad for your child because they are stuck forever with YOU as a parent, then you are not alone.
But if you tell yourself that you are trying your best… but then wonder if that’s even really true, then you are not alone.
If you ever found yourself tearing up while going through adorable old pictures of your child as a newborn and suddenly felt like you maybe wanted to have another one, but then five minutes later you found your kid in the bathroom holding an empty bottle of baby powder in one hand and an unraveled roll of toilet paper in the other, the whole room a sea of white, and then almost reached into your own body and tied your tubes yourself… Then you are not alone.
If you’ve ever wondered if antidepressants really work, or if you know for a fact that they do (or don’t), then you are not alone.
If you’ve ever looked at the clock and saw that it was 3 p.m. and you haven’t even brushed your teeth yet, nor changed out of your pajamas, nor showered (that week), then you’re not alone.
If you’ve ever looked at the calendar and realized you haven’t even left the house in four days, you are not alone.
If lately your face has touched not a single drop of makeup, nor have your feet seen a shoe fancier than a flip flop in several months; and if you consider wearing leggings or jeans of any sort to be “dressing up,” then you are not alone.
If you are not even embarrassed to admit the last four facts to anyone who will listen– especially if that means you will get to engage in actual adult conversation with another human being who is old enough to buy a bottle of wine you can both drown your sorrows in together, then you are not alone.
If, despite the fact that you’ve nodded your head in agreement to at least half of these, you still wouldn’t change a single thing, then you actually might be alone.
Because I think we all can admit that we have regrets, and make mistakes, and we all have at least a few things we would have done differently, if given half the chance.
But if you still know that, no matter what, you’d totally run in front of a speeding truck for your children without hesitation, and if you didn’t think it was possible but somehow you love those crazy kids even more today than you did yesterday, and you will love them even more than THAT tomorrow, then you are not alone.
And if your life is permanently one big hectic ball of insanity and unpredictability and boredom and stress and hardship and anxiety, and having kids is a thousand times harder than you ever imagined it to be but still you wouldn’t change a single hair on their beautiful little bodies, then you are NOT alone.
And you never will be 😉